Captain’s Log: 01
January 7, 2025
Dear Diary,
Another day as “Branch Manager” of Pawsome Park & Lodge, a title that I, Barry, suggested during a brainstorming session no one asked me to attend. The humans laughed, I pretended not to care. But let’s be honest: I nailed it.
The day began far too early. We’ve expanded daycare hours to open at 6:30 AM, a time so ungodly even the sun can’t be bothered to show up. Still, the humans insist this is a “convenience” for the clients, the only ones inconvenienced are me and the janitor, who always smells faintly of bleach and despair. The first dog through the door was some overzealous Labradoodle, wagging like she’d won the lottery. I think we all know who won tug-of-war this morning.
Around midday, one of the humans approached me with a piece of paper and far too much enthusiasm. “Barry, you’re famous!” she said, holding the page just out of reach so I couldn’t eat it. Apparently, the Everett Post wrote an article about us. Not about me, mind you— us. The facility. The team. A "safe and fun place for dogs," they called it, as though the humans are the ones enforcing order around here.
Please. Without me, this place would devolve into chaos in under a minute.
Then came the “doggy New Year’s resolutions” nonsense. Humans love a resolution. They write them down like spells, fully believing this year will be different, that they’ll wake up tomorrow as the kind of person who jogs.
My resolution? Eat an entire couch cushion before anyone catches me. Simple. Effective. Aspirational.
Now, as I sit in the lobby watching the humans mop up a suspicious puddle (I won’t name names, but it rhymes with Rugby), I reflect on how far we’ve come. When we opened, it was just an idea—a place where dogs could nap in peace, bark without judgment, and pee indoors without the usual shaming. And here we are, living the dream.
Time to sign off. The daycare is closing soon, and I’ve got a date with the tennis ball I strategically hid under the couch last week.
Sincerely,
Barry
Branch Manager, Pawsome Park & Lodge
